When I asked this question to a group of Mindful Parents:
"Does your childhood trauma affect the way you deal with your child?"
75% confirmed YES!
Childhood trauma can have a profound impact on a person's life, including how they parent their own children. When parents have experienced childhood trauma, it can affect their parenting in a variety of ways, such as:
Overprotectiveness: Parents who have experienced trauma may be overly protective of their children, as they fear their children experiencing similar traumas. This can result in parents being overly controlling and not allowing their children to explore the world and develop independence.
Difficulty regulating emotions: Parents who have experienced trauma may struggle with regulating their emotions, which can lead to outbursts of anger or frustration. This can be scary or confusing for children and may cause them to become anxious or withdrawn.
Difficulty bonding with their children: Childhood trauma can impact a parent's ability to bond with their children. This may result in parents feeling detached from their children or having difficulty forming close relationships with them.
Reliving past traumas: Parents who have experienced childhood trauma may be triggered by certain situations that remind them of their own traumas. This can cause them to relive the trauma and may impact their ability to parent effectively in that moment.
Perfectionism: Parents who have experienced childhood trauma may have high expectations for their children and themselves, as they feel that their own childhood was lacking in some way. This can result in parents being overly critical or demanding of their children, which can be harmful to their emotional development.
It is important for parents who have experienced childhood trauma to seek support and healing so that they can provide the best possible care for their children. This may involve therapy, support groups, or other forms of professional help.
I seeked help few years ago to handle all the above challenges that I was going through, as my primary objective of being a Parent is not to traumatise my own children for their life time. Hence, I work everyday with my own children to be mindful about what I do, what I talk, how I talk and how I respond.
I don't say I'm the perfect mother. Trust me, I'm the most craziest mother just like you (or your wife - if a father is reading this) with lot of mood swings, sudden anxiety and sometimes OCPD (Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder).
Yet, my children love to hangout with me, they are under my control (they don't do anything without asking me), they listen to me, they follow my instructions and most importantly they don't hate me, they don't back answer me and they don't do anything that I don't like. I would proudly say that I'm raising MINDFUL CHILDREN.
A snippet of OCPD (Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder) that I mentioned above. Mind you OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) and OCPD are completely 2 different things.
OCPD is a personality disorder that's characterised by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.
What did I do to cope OCPD?
I went through a Life Coaching program which changed my life completely and the way I behave, just not with my children but everything around me.
What do I do to continue coping with OCPD?
I admit to my children and family that I'm going through these symptoms and I need help from them. There is no harm in seeking help from your own family and admitting what you expect from them. Rather than traumatising the children in the name of Parenting, we can choose to make them understand and work along with them to raise MINDFUL CHILDREN who will eventually become MINDFUL PARENTS themselves!!
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